somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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