he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
