dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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