The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
