so let's talk penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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