Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
