im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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