Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
