nut hugger
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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