either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
