i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
