You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
