already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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