Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
