I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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