i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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