and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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