yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
