I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A bitchslap is in order.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
