wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
