My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
