wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
