Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
