I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
