walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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