Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
