it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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