I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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