My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
