Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
