Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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