My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
