Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize