he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
