I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
