You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
