"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
