4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
