this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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