i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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