plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
