Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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