Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
