my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
