She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
