I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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