so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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