Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
