awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
