How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
