lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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