I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
