You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
