I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
