I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
